ninja deals death to the busker

once upon a time, outside the bookstore where i work in perth (that's in australia - a place commonly settled in by real ninjas), there was a busker.

this busker loved jesus, but he didn't seem to love anything else. he certainly didn't love peace and quiet, because he simply couldn't seem to grasp the basic concepts behind such vast and meaningful words.

he would sing his six songs over and over, with such gusto that you could hear his songs for many miles. in fact, if you went right to the back of the bookstore and hid in the closet, with the store's own music loudly playing over the speakers right above you, you would still hear the busker as if he was standing right next to you singing to you about how much he loves jesus.

for an hour he would sing his songs of loving jesus. then, as it is a law he cannot busk in any place for longer than forty-five minutes, he would pack his things and walk away.

for fifteen minutes.

then he'd set up his guitar and repeat his performance.

every day.

between three and five times a day.

very loudly.

once, an old lady asked him if he could just lower his volume for a few minutes while she ate her lunch in the small seats provided for just such an occupation. it seemed she couldn't get her hearing aid down low enough to block his constant yawling.

he told her he didn't listen to heathens, and that she was interfering in his workspace. the fact that his vocal noise reached out beyond his workspace and into the comfort zones of those unfortunate enough to be relaxing or working nearby didn't seem to bother him in the least. afterall, he was saving our souls.

unfortunately for this magnificent specimen of irritation (and badly-designed t-shirts), my ninja happened to notice his performance, and decided to teach him a few things.

first, she nailed him to the wall.

secondly, she showed him six ninja stars, and proceeded to teach him that repetition can really, really hurt.

then she took his vocal chords and showed him what they looked like when they were stretched across his forehead.

from thereon in, it really got a little messy.

and then they all lived happily ever after. well, except for the dead busker. he stopped living at all. but then, noone really expected him to live giving the condition he arrived at the hospital in...

the end.

remember: ninjas love gaffa tape.